


the boy who couldn't hold his breath underwater

by laddergoat



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Character Death, Denial, Depression, Director Even, Future Fic, Ghost references (blink and you miss it), Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Survivor Guilt, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 13:46:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12234093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laddergoat/pseuds/laddergoat
Summary: “The human body really has a knack for remembering things. That is why you never really forget how to swim, or how to ride a bike. That is also why, sometimes, in the middle of the night, I still roll over in my bed – only to realise that you are no longer there.”It hurts every day, the absence of someone who was once there; the worst part is, no one even knows how close Even is to drowning...





	the boy who couldn't hold his breath underwater

 

* * *

 

_"A thousand moments I had taken for granted - mostly because I had assumed that there would be a thousand more."_

 

* * *

  

**1.**

Even hates being right. 

It’s a sinking feeling, he thinks, and unfortunately - he's right. It freezes the blood in his veins, the steady beat of his heart in his ribcage, and he’s drowning, deeper and deeper until the need to breathe claws at his lungs and he reluctantly gives in and pulls in another shuddering, bone-racking breath. It rattles his entire being and his vision swims, a myriad of blurry colours flashing before his eyes. He wonders why this is so, until he blinks and feels the stinging tears stream down his cheeks. _Oh._

It’s odd, he thinks. He’s experienced depression so, so many times but it’s never felt like this. Nothing has ever felt like this. With dark thoughts and a heavy heart, he thinks to himself that this isn’t the first time that Isak Valtersen's managed to make him feel things he never has before.

 

**2.**

When he awakens in the dead of the night, his chest grows excruciatingly tight when he feels the lack of a warm body next to his. He shuffles out of bed with trembling hands and weak legs, and tumbles less than gracefully onto the cold, tiled floors. He wonders how many days he’s been asleep for, having lost count of the turns and tosses of the moon waning in the night sky outside their– _his_ bedroom window. 

His brain is a hazed mess, and his body a numb and unfeeling vessel of emptiness as he drags himself into the bathtub. He feels his body move on its own as he thumbs the tap, and the freezing cold water jets out into the space. By the time the golden sun rises, he cannot remember how long he has stayed frozen in the overflowing body of water, but all he can think about is _sleep._ Blissful, idyllic sleep, the place where he doesn’t have to think of…

He needs to go to sleep.

He needs to close his eyes. 

He needs to...

Needs to...

Has to...

 

**3.**

_“Found him in the bathtub, face down in the water even though he claims to have fallen asleep…”_

_“I’m so worried – he needs help. He needs to be with someone, someone needs to look after –”_

_“Obviously some trauma involved…he can barely get up from his bed, let alone eat.”_

_“…meant to do? He’s just lost his…”_

 

**4.**

They visit often, he thinks, the blurry shapes. They make him do a lot of things, things he doesn’t want or like to do, and things he hasn’t the energy for. They ask him to eat, and move and shower. He recognises their voices, but he’s not sure who they are. Sometimes the voices are sad, and that makes Even sad.

The voices come, day after day, trying to plead with him, begging him to eat or speak, or _please, please, why won’t you say anything?_ He keeps his mouth shut defiantly – he doesn’t know who they are, and there is a heavy, foreboding feeling in his gut that makes him rethink his actions every time he thinks about giving into the man with the shaggy brown hair and pearly white teeth. The one with the buzz-cut and strong arms and the occasional boy with the bushy eyebrows are both just as bad – with their grief-stricken eyes and pleading voices, his resolve nearly breaks time and time again. It’s difficult, but he manages.

He wonders when the blurry shapes and the sad voices will leave him too.

 

**5.**

Days, weeks and even months pass and he thinks he’s getting better. He remembers some names now and some other things about himself that he’d forgotten, like that he was a director and his best friend’s name was Mikael.

Mikael comes more often than not, and although Even thinks he’s gotten better, Mikael doesn’t seem to think so as he sits at the edge of the bed, pleading once more, for him to eat, to move, to  _live._ Even can’t bring himself to tell Mikael the truth: that the food turns to bile in his mouth, that the thought of leaving the confines of these four walls leaves him weak-kneed and ill in the stomach, and all that Even sees when he looks in the mirror is a failure of a man, and a dead man walking.

He breathes, and breathes, and  _breathes_ , but he is not alive.

 

**6.**

Even has always had a really vivid imagination. He thinks so, anyway, as there's no other explanation for the odd occurrences around his apartment. 

Some days, Even can swear that he feels the remnants of long limbs and legs wrapped around him when his mind is numb and he hasn't gotten up from his bed in days. Sometimes, he goes to sleep on the floor, and he wakes up on the bed with the blankets pulled up to his chin and a pillow propped under his head. He thinks it might be the blurry shapes but they haven't visited in a while. Something about a work trip, he thinks he heard them tell him last time. They were worrying about him, and Even's not quite sure why.

Another night, he falls asleep in the shower this time, his nails digging into his wrists until they're bleeding and he blacks out, feeling grateful for the feeling of floating in the void. That night, he swears he can hear the faint sound of crying, and someone running their fingers through his hair, and he curls into the warmth, his eyes shut tight and his wrists feeling wonderfully tender and sore. When did he get on the bed? Oh well. But, if he focuses really hard, he thinks he can almost imagine them kissing his forehead and pulling the blankets over him, like they always do, but then again...its probably just his imagination. 

 

**7.**

When the blurry shapes come back, Even is able to recognise more of them by now. There's Elias, and Jonas, and Yousef...and...Elias, again? No, no, Eskild. Adam, Mutta...Sonja, Sana. Magnus. Mahdi? They're alien to him but they all introduce themselves whenever he looks at them for too long, as they realise that he doesn't know who they are. They are no longer blurry shapes to him; and although he can barely just pick out certain characteristics about each person, he's doing better than before. That's what they say anyway. 

They seem overjoyed when they return to find him relatively safe, and in one piece (physically, Even thinks to himself). They smile and laugh and try to ask him questions and include him in conversations but he is mute. They bring him food and gifts and cuddle and pamper him. It's odd. 

When they're just about to leave, and Mikael goes to shut the door, he briefly whispers out a, "thank you." He's not sure if Mikael's heard, because his voice is scratchy and ugly, weak from disuse, and  _no wonder Isak left you_ but Mikael does and he snaps his head around so fast Even thinks it might fly off his body. When Mikael leaves his room and the chatter begins to weaken as they walk away from him, he can only remember how his best friend had burst into tears at the sound of his voice. 

 

**8.**

One day, he suddenly has a lot of energy. He doesn't know how or why or where it came from, but he's laughing all the while as he gleefully jumps off from his bed. He stretches like a cat, and he idly wonders why his bones feel so sore, or why his body feels so sluggish. Odd. 

Smiling, he ignores it and, attempts to walk to the kitchen to make some food for him and Isak. He hobbles on his feet like he's a new-born baby deer, and he giggles as he makes a game out of it. If he falls over, he loses! 

He makes it to the kitchen a few minutes later, and he puts on some Gabrielle as he begins to fry some eggs. The flame beneath the pan burns a brilliant red and flickering orange, and Even is fascinated. It's beautiful. He turns it up a bit higher and grins as the flames begin to grow and the eggs cook faster. Good - Isak was always a grump in the mornings anyway. Speaking of, Isak says he doesn't like Gabrielle but he knows that he secretly does. Maybe he should take him to a concert sometime. That's a good idea. He ditches the eggs in favour of searching up concert tickets on his laptop, opting to buy VIP tickets because his baby only deserves the best. 

It isn't until hours later when the sound of sirens can be heard all the way down the street and the smoke fills up his apartment and Mikael is banging at his door that he realises that he hasn't seen Isak all day, if not for a very long time. 

 

**9.**

Even really hates the hospital. 

 

**10.**

Isak doesn't visit him and that's okay because its all his fault. He understands. He understands, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt him. He cries and cries and cries, but he shouldn't be crying - because it's all his fault, Isak's not here because of him, because he- 

He blacks out most of the time, and when the nurses come to check on him, they give him fake smiles and weird pills that make his head spin. He doesn't like them at all. 

The worst part, however, is when people mistake the frantic, rhythmic beat of his heart on the monitor as breathing when really, he’s suffocating.

 

**11.**

Moving on is not so easy. It takes him eight months to get out of bed, a year to start speaking, and two to start trying to smile again. It’s painful and it hurts, and they all insist that there is no need for him to be back at work unless he’s ready. However, Even doesn’t voice that when he’s all alone, all he can think about are golden curls, emerald green eyes and cupid bow lips. He doesn’t voice that the pills don’t help, and that he feels an empty shell of a man without Isak Valtersen.

Instead, he buries himself in his work, as he thinks to himself that its about time that he makes good on a promise years too late, but never forgotten.

 

**12.**

As Even continues to work deep into the hours of the night, he shoots a quick text to Isak, asking him for some help. There's a question he's not really able to answer, and its stuck there, on his laptop screen, glaring at him and daring to be answered. 

 _Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together?_ He asks. Isak knows a lot about universes, Even finding his theory on parallel universes brilliant. His baby is so smart, after all. 

Hours later and with no reply, Even cries into his palms as he thinks he's come up with the answer all on his own. 

_Yes...just not in this one._

**13.**

Its 1200 at night, and he should be sleeping. But instead, he lies awake, thinking of all the things he could have said and all the things that he would now never be able to say. 

 

**14.**

Some days, Even thinks he’s okay.

Grief, though, he realises, is not something that heals and gets better with time, like everyone had said. It was a feeling that, after the initial shock of loss, came in waves.

Some days, he never truly expects it to hit him until, well, it does. At times, they’re random, just fragments of memories, whispers of broken promises and reminders of what Even had once had. It doesn’t matter what he’s doing most of the time; sometimes he’s washing the dishes, he’s getting ready for work, or looking for his laptop when all of a sudden it hits him. How Isak used to dry the plates when Even was doing the washing, how Isak used to tie his tie for work before Even kissed his forehead goodbye, or how his laptop sits on a tattered and ratty, but oh so dearly loved pile of biology textbooks. It hits him then, just how much he misses him, and his breath catches and his tears flow and he slides to the floor, pain consuming his entire body…

…and he wonders if he was ever really okay at all. 

 

**15.**

He drinks himself half to death one night, drowning in his sorrows as he fumbles around for his phone and clicks on speed dial. He doesn’t even wait for the ringing to stop before he’s crying, sobbing hysterically into the phone as the words _Mannen I mitt liv_ light up his phone screen.

“I love you, I love you, I love you–” _Please come back, please come back, please come back._

Even never waits for the ringing to stop, because it never does.

“The number you are calling is unavailable. Please leave a message after the–”

 

**16.**

When someone asks him if he's suicidal, he's surprised. He shakes his head no, because Isak would probably be really sad if he was. Sure, he was still a jumbled mess of a person, but he was doing much better these days, even if he had bad lapses every now and then.

They give him a sad smile, and then explain that sometimes being suicidal means going to sleep for days because you'd really much rather not wake up. Sometimes, it means not eating in the hopes that the exhaustion will kill you. Sometimes it means ignoring the world, ignoring everyone you love around you and forgetting who you are, because if they leave then you'll have less reason to go on living. Or maybe even not setting your alarm for work so that you get fired and no longer have a purpose. Sometimes it means taking baths and hoping that you'll drown along with your thoughts. 

Being suicidal doesn't necessarily mean trying to die, they say. A lot of times, it means not putting in any effort into living. 

 

**17.**

“Mr. Bech Næsheim, sir, its such an honour to be able to interview you,” the woman gushes, her eyes wide and adoring, a wide and pretty smile playing on her lips. 

“It’s my pleasure,” Even smoothly lies behind his teeth.

 “M-my name is Vanessa, Vanessa Robinson. I’m such a big fan of your works, the biggest, truly,” she expands further. She giggles lightly as a faint blush envelops her cheeks.

“I apologise for being so nervous. Its just – we never expected you to accept our offer for an interview. After all, it’s been three years since you were last active in the filming industry. We’ve all been eagerly awaiting your return!”

“Ah, thank you very much,” Even resists the urge to run out of the room, as far away as possible from having anything to do with this godforsaken interview. “Your support means all the world to me. I hope I’m able to at least answer a few of your questions seeing as you’ve been such dedicated fans.”

Mikael had forced him into this interview, telling him that his fans deserved to know, that they deserved closure after waiting three years for him to create another film, only for him to announce that it would be the last one he would ever make.

“Oh, of course. It’s no worries at all! Well then, would you like to get started?” He simply nods in response, giving a small smile. It doesn’t reach his eyes, but then again, that hasn’t happened in years.

“Alright. Well, first of all, before we get into anything too technical. How have you been, Mr. Bech Næsheim? It’s been a long and painful three years since your last blockbuster film that took over the world, _Shame_. It’s still one of the top rated dramas in the cinematic world today,” Vanessa starts off.

“Ah, yes. I’ve been…better.  _Shame_ seems so far away now, but it was an incredible movie to work on, although it was hardly just my work. I owe the success of _Shame_ to the entire cast and the brilliant workers behind the scenes. I couldn’t have done it without them.” Years ago, Even would’ve meant every word he was saying, but now he couldn’t find it in himself to give anything but bland, tasteless and lacklustre lies in order to conceal the truth.

“As modest as ever! You say you’ve been better – could this be anything related to the accident that happened just before your three-year long hiatus? You were hospitalised for some time, and even after you recovered, there was talk that you wouldn’t be creating any movies for a few months – it seems they were right. Did your experiences in a real-life accident motivate or, in some ways, inspire your newest movie, _The Boy Who Couldn’t Hold His Breath Underwater_?” Even wants to laugh, because _yes._ She was so very right. 

“You could say that,” he quips back, not trying to give away too much. He knows she’s disappointed with his vague answer, however, as she presses on.

“How so? It must have been quite the experience for you if it was enough to render you into pausing your career for three years. During the announcement of your newest film _,_ it was also announced that you would return to the world of film but only in order to release the last movie you would ever make. Is this true?” His blood boils as she asks him about the _experience_ it must have been – like it was some rollercoaster ride instead of the moment that had destroyed his life. But he calms himself down and forces himself to continue, the hair at the back of his neck prickling.

“Yes. It is true. I’m sorry to any fans that may be disappointed by my decision, and I just want to say thank you to everyone that has supported me throughout my entire career. However, you are right, Vanessa,” he gives her a sad smile. “The…accident, you could say, changed my life. It has taken me years to come to terms with it, and even now, years later, I still am not even half the person I was before it. To say it was traumatic is an understatement. I can no longer write, or direct and have unfortunately lost the desire to do so… _The Boy Who Couldn’t Hold His Breath Underwater_ was a promise I made to a special someone, many, many years ago. It was meant to be the first movie I would ever make, but now I’m grateful as the person who I made it for deserves a proper farewell, and this movie was it.” Even releases a breath that he had no idea he was holding.

Vanessa looks adequately floored by his response, and he sees her eyes soften and her posture change.

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Mr. Bech Næsheim. I apologise if my questions were too impersonal or too direct. I think your fans will be able to understand your reasoning, then. I hope you are feeling better these days,” she says compassionately, and he knows its genuine. She scribbles a bit more in a navy blue notebook, before looking back up at him. Her pen hovers over the question, _reports say that in your accident, there was actually one fatality. A young man was reported to have drowned and unfortunately died afterwards. Did this, in any way, inspire your latest movie? The title seems too uncanny for it to be a coincidence,_ and she hastily scribbles it out, three angry red strokes crossing over the entirety of the sentence.

Instead, she asks, “I hope it’s okay for me to ask you to tell the story of your newest film in a short summary. Many fans are asking for it, as only some sneak peeks by your team have been revealed. I, for one, am also quite excited to see it. I’m sure it will be a fantastic – its one of your works after all.”

Vanessa watches as a look of pain etches over the man’s handsome features for a brief second, before it disappears as quickly as it came.  

“I...I think I can do that," Even takes a deep breath. "There was a boy..."

 

**18.**

The Boy Who Couldn’t Hold His Breath Underwater

_Even Bech Næsheim_

“ _Because you never think that the last time is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever, but you don’t.”_

* * *

 Dedicated to the late Isak Valtersen, the man of my life. I have loved you so, and will continue loving you until long after I’m gone and until the end of time. Another place in the universe where we’re together for all eternity, remember that. I love you. Even.

 

**19.**

_“Evy,” Isak whines, “are we there yet?” Even rolled his eyes at his young lover, he could be such a brat at times –_ his _brat though. Even peers at the signs on the long-winding road, taking note of the winding roads ahead._

 _“Not even halfway there, baby,” he laughs, his eyes crinkling at the corners as Isak’s gorgeous cupid bow lips curl into an adorable pout. His eyes, green, gorgeous and so full of life, peek up at Even from under his long, thick lashes. God, Isak was honestly the most gorgeous creature on this planet. He was so fucking lucky. “Just a little bit more, okay? Then we get to have a cabin all to ourselves for a week,” Even reminds him, raising his eyebrows before throwing a wink at his younger lover._

_Isak sighs dramatically, a small smile playing at his lips, “Fiiine,” he drags out, the drama queen. “I guess if I_ have _to wait to have my boyfriend all alone, then so be it. Seeing as he’s so busy nowadays, being a world-famous director and all that.”_

_“Oh?” Even asks, grinning, “do I know him? He sounds familiar.” Isak scrunches his face up adorably for a few seconds before shaking his head._

_“No, no, I don’t think you do. He’s very popular, and hardly has any time of day to give to me, let alone other people,” Isak says, smirking. His voice holds a tone of playfulness, but his eyes directed at Even are loving and so full of adoration. Even couldn’t get enough of him._

_Even pulls one hand off the steering wheel in order to lace his fingers with Isak’s. “That’s no good. He sounds like a shit boyfriend. Why don’t you shack up with a young, handsome thing like me instead? Driver extraordinaire and lots of free time – what more could you want?” His heart nearly beats out of his chest as he feels the younger place a kiss on his cheek. Even after seven years together, Isak still managed to turn him into a stuttering, nervous wreck._

_“Sorry, no can do. I wouldn’t trade him for the world. Man of my life and all,” he whispers sweetly, his hand squeezing Even’s. Even curses and pulls over onto the side of the road for a second, before he grips Isak’s face with his hands, and pulls him in for a searing kiss. Isak responds immediately, mewling as he opens his lips in order for Even to lick into his mouth. They pull away with shuddering breaths and Even leans his forehead against Isak’s._

_“I’m so fucking proud of you, Even. Shame is going to change lives. I hope you know that,” Isak breathes against his mouth and Even leans in for a soft, chaste kiss._

_“Thank you, baby. I love you so much,” Even whispers, his heart feeling full._

* * *

 

  _“Fucking – Ugh,” Even groans as the rain pours down heavily, beating down on their car. Halfway throughout their drive, Isak had fallen asleep and the GPS had stopped working and the weather had turned shitty. Even was not handling it well. He just wanted to be alone with lover already._

_“Baby?” Isak asks, voice roughed with sleep, and Even snaps his head around to see Isak rubbing his eyes, yawning all the while. “Are you okay?”_

_“It’s okay, love. Go back to sleep, it’s just the stupid GPS. It’s stopped working and the rain’s getting too heavy to see anything.”_

_“We can pull over and stop for a while, if you want? We can sleep here, even. We’ve got food and everything in the back, don’t we?”_

_“No, it’s okay,” Even huffs, eyes still stuck on the useless GPS in one of his hands. His other hand gripped the steering wheel almost painfully out of frustration. He misses Isak’s frown as he keeps his eyes off the road, just gazing up occasionally. He passively takes note of the bridge coming up a few kilometres ahead._

_“Babe, slow down a little. We can’t really see anything,” Isak says nervously, playing with the hem of his jumper._

_“We’re fine, Issy. Don’t worry. If we keep going at this speed, we’ll make it there by tonight. I want to be there by tonight; you don’t deserve to sleep in the back of a car out here in the rain,” he says petulantly. Its out of character for him to be acting so impatient, but the last few weeks, no, months even, have been difficult for the both of them. Although they lived together, both of them were getting busier and busier with work and they had barely any time for each other anymore. It didn’t lessen their feelings for each other as one would think, but instead intensified them as they craved for the days when they could simply lounge around, wrapped up in each other in their own little world. They missed each other more than ever, and Even was determined not to spend one of their nights stuck on the road._

_Isak kept quiet as Even recklessly drove at ninety kilometres per hour in the downpour, not even bothering to look up at the road by this point._

_“Evy, please slow down. Please, I’m scared,” the tone in Isak’s voice unnerved him, but they were okay. Even can kind of remember the road by this point, they only need to drive for probably another hour at this speed and then they would be there. Even peered up from the still unresponsive GPS to calm his lover down, only to see Isak’s eyes wide with fear as he cowered into his seat, staring up ahead._

_“EVEN! EVEN, LOOK OUT!” Even, for the first time in half an hour, dragged his eyes back up to the road. It seemed like everything was in slow motion. He didn’t even have time to blink as he saw the truck coming full speed towards their car._

_Even gripped the steering wheel, nearly paralysed with fear as he steered the vehicle to go left, the only direction he could go without crashing into cars coming from the opposite direction. His eyes bugged out in abject horror at his mistake as the semi slammed into the passenger side of the car where Isak sat, screaming as the truck smashed directly into him and rendered his legs useless. The last thing Even saw before they began spiralling off the bridge was his lover coughing up blood onto the dashboard and then they were falling._

_The car smacked the water heavily, causing Evens head to hit the door, making him gasp in pain. Waves around them rippled as they quickly began to sink, the water filtering into the car from the smashed front window. Even’s eyes began to flutter and his vision swam as he felt blood drip down the side of his head. He tried his best to keep his head above the water, but before long, the car had filled up quickly and they were sinking deeper and deeper. Even sprang into action, his seatbelt pulling off with ease before he turned to Isak, who was unconscious. His heart froze in fear as he tried to click off his seatbelt, but it was stuck. He tried, again and again, and eventually gave up and instead opted for trying to pull Isak’s whole body up by his armpits. He knew he was running out of breath as water filled up his lungs and his eyes began to sting, but he couldn’t, couldn’t leave without –_

_Before he realised what was happening, he felt a pair of arms grip his feet, and his eyes widened as he turned to see someone pulling him out of the rapidly sinking car. He attempted to shake him off, but his grip was iron tight and he was pulled out, into the deep pressures of the lake and then it was too much – he needed air, he needed –_

_He was dragged by the stranger as his consciousness began to fade, and as they broke the surface of the river, Even coughed and heaved, hacking water out of his lungs as he sputtered. He drew in ragged breaths and he frantically looked around him, dazed and blinking water out of his eyes as he saw no Isak up on the surface with him. He snapped his head back around to the man who dragged him out, only to see more people jumping into the water to swim towards him, and he took a deep breath before going back under._

_He forced himself to swim deeper and deeper into the murky waters and he wanted to cry once he saw the hood of the car, barely visible in the darkness of the river. He exerted all his energy into pushing downwards, but the pressure was too great, pulling him back up to the surface along with multiple pairs of hands grabbing at his shoulders and literally dragging him away. He began to scream, jerking and shoving their hands off him as he yelled hysterically._

_“PLEASE! Please, my boyfriend, he’s, he’s in the car– I couldn’t get him out! PLEASE! SOMEONE HELP! PLEASE, SOMEONE HELP ME!” Hands from all directions began to pull at him, dragging him and he continued to scream, flailing his arms and legs as he refused to leave the body of water._

_“PLEASE!” He begged, sobbing, “he can’t move! He’s stuck, his legs, oh god, oh god- he was unconscious,” Even felt faint at the realisation. “He can’t get out…pleas–”_

_They didn’t listen to him as they began dragging him out of the water and onto the grass, and he hacked out more water at the ground beneath him. He grabbed the nearest person he could by their collar, and he begged, and pleaded and sobbed,_ please help him, please, please, I can’t lose him, please _but the people around him merely looked down in sadness as they began to help him onto his feet, and check up on his injuries. He heard the murmur and whisperings of the people, but none of them were in the water, none of them were going after Isak – Isak was in the river, Isak, Isak, Isak –_

_His legs gave out underneath him and his world abruptly faded into black._

 

**20.**

_"I will make a movie about you, do you want to know what its called?" Even asked, his arm wrapped around Isak, both of them grinning from ear-to-ear._

_"What?" Isak had smiled._

_"The boy who couldn't hold his breath under water," He rolled his eyes and giggled._

_"Sounds like a pompous piece of shit movie!"_

 

**21.**

On the 21st of June, Even locks himself in his room, his hands unconsciously pulling and tugging at his scalp as he reminisces about all the things he wishes he had gotten wrong. 

_"The only way to keep something endlessly is by losing it."_

He's shaking and sobbing and-

_"The main characters have to die or else the love story won't be epic!"_

When he rises from his bed, it is only to fall back on to his knees, crying and screaming and begging, pleading with every deity he knows to bring his lover back. He falls face first into the sheets, tears streaming, nose running, clawing with both hands at the heart that seems to be bursting from his chest, and he can only wonder why they couldn't be together in  _this_ universe. 

_"You never cease to impress...you really can't hold your breath underwater, can you, Isak?"_

Even hates being right. 

 

 

* * *

 

_"Death ends a life, not a relationship."_

 

* * *

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer, not all of these quotes are mine!! A lot of these are quotes I've seen floating around the Internet and I've collected in an album so I'm sorry for not being able to include any authors (as most of them are literally just screenshots). I'm sure they're all easily accessible just by Google search in case anyone is wondering. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! If anyone is confused, feel free to criticise or leave a comment below and I'll answer you. I would love to know what you all think.


End file.
